Tag: Static Wormholes
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Review: Mortal Kombat 1 – High Stakes, Low Pie (A Gladys Pepperstein Special)
Gladys Pepperstein sits down with her grandson Arthur for a “lovely” afternoon of Mortal Kombat 1. From the disappointing lack of actual baked goods to the very rude young man with the ice hands,…
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Breaking News: Potatoes Fall from the Sky in Red Deer, Alberta — and Yes, It’s “Totally Tubular”
Residents of Red Deer are swapping umbrellas for oven mitts as the “Tubular Tuber Torrent” hits the city. From rogue Russets flattening mailboxes to local teens inventing the extreme sport of “Spud Surfing,” here’s…
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Canadian Squirrels Seen Wearing Tiny Hard Hats, Suspected of Building a Secret Underground Subway System
Move over, Metrolinx. Residents across Ontario are reporting squirrels in neon vests and tiny hard hats as the local rodent population begins construction on a secret, high-speed underground “Nut-Line.” From collective bargaining on park…
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The Wobbly Wheel Syndicate: Inside the Underground Cart Wrangler Rebellion
TRFTIB Lead Investigator Luke Dimbottom goes deep undercover to expose the “Wobbly Wheel Syndicate,” a secret society of disgruntled cart wranglers sabotaging shopping carts with precision “drifts” and “shrieks” to avenge years of retail…
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Corporate Survival 101: A Beginner’s Guide to Mastering the Mandatory Office Sleeping Bag
Forget the housing crisis—the real real estate is your own vertical nylon tube. Discover how Toronto’s elite are mastering the Mandatory Office Sleeping Bag (MOSB), featuring Dr. Barnaby Flux’s “Vertical Slump” and internal heaters…
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Gladys Pepperstein’s Game Review: The Underground Curfuddle of Abiotic Factor
Gladys Pepperstein takes over her grandson Arthur’s “gaming rig” to critique Abiotic Factor. From the lack of proper office filing to the offensive use of staplers as weaponry, she explores why the GATE Cascade…
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The Great Cotton Caper: RFT Investigatory Branch Discovers Where Your Lost Socks Actually Go
Ever wonder why you put two socks in the dryer and only one comes out? The RFT Investigatory Branch has uncovered the truth: your laundry room is actually a particle accelerator creating “Static Wormholes”…
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Magic 8-Ball Board Leads Synergy-Go to Record Profits, Shareholders Now Demanding Lava Lamp CFO(Part 3 out of 3)
After a record-shattering quarter guided by a plastic sphere filled with blue dye, Synergy-Go shareholders are taking corporate governance to the next level. They’re officially demanding the CFO be replaced by a 1974 Lava…
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Repo-Rover: This Funny Fake News Story About the Future of Debt Collection Is All Too Real
Meet Repo-Rover, the world’s first autonomous debt-collector legally classified as a “Service Animal for Capitalist Accountability.” This Flux Innovations creation won’t stop beeping until you pay that $14.99 streaming fee from 2019, following you…
Tag: Static Wormholes
-
Review: Mortal Kombat 1 – High Stakes, Low Pie (A Gladys Pepperstein Special)
Gladys Pepperstein sits down with her grandson Arthur for a “lovely” afternoon of Mortal Kombat 1. From the disappointing lack of actual baked goods to the very rude young man with the ice hands,…
-
Breaking News: Potatoes Fall from the Sky in Red Deer, Alberta — and Yes, It’s “Totally Tubular”
Residents of Red Deer are swapping umbrellas for oven mitts as the “Tubular Tuber Torrent” hits the city. From rogue Russets flattening mailboxes to local teens inventing the extreme sport of “Spud Surfing,” here’s…
-
Canadian Squirrels Seen Wearing Tiny Hard Hats, Suspected of Building a Secret Underground Subway System
Move over, Metrolinx. Residents across Ontario are reporting squirrels in neon vests and tiny hard hats as the local rodent population begins construction on a secret, high-speed underground “Nut-Line.” From collective bargaining on park…
-
The Wobbly Wheel Syndicate: Inside the Underground Cart Wrangler Rebellion
TRFTIB Lead Investigator Luke Dimbottom goes deep undercover to expose the “Wobbly Wheel Syndicate,” a secret society of disgruntled cart wranglers sabotaging shopping carts with precision “drifts” and “shrieks” to avenge years of retail…
-
Corporate Survival 101: A Beginner’s Guide to Mastering the Mandatory Office Sleeping Bag
Forget the housing crisis—the real real estate is your own vertical nylon tube. Discover how Toronto’s elite are mastering the Mandatory Office Sleeping Bag (MOSB), featuring Dr. Barnaby Flux’s “Vertical Slump” and internal heaters…
-
Gladys Pepperstein’s Game Review: The Underground Curfuddle of Abiotic Factor
Gladys Pepperstein takes over her grandson Arthur’s “gaming rig” to critique Abiotic Factor. From the lack of proper office filing to the offensive use of staplers as weaponry, she explores why the GATE Cascade…
-
The Great Cotton Caper: RFT Investigatory Branch Discovers Where Your Lost Socks Actually Go
Ever wonder why you put two socks in the dryer and only one comes out? The RFT Investigatory Branch has uncovered the truth: your laundry room is actually a particle accelerator creating “Static Wormholes”…
-
Magic 8-Ball Board Leads Synergy-Go to Record Profits, Shareholders Now Demanding Lava Lamp CFO(Part 3 out of 3)
After a record-shattering quarter guided by a plastic sphere filled with blue dye, Synergy-Go shareholders are taking corporate governance to the next level. They’re officially demanding the CFO be replaced by a 1974 Lava…
-
Repo-Rover: This Funny Fake News Story About the Future of Debt Collection Is All Too Real
Meet Repo-Rover, the world’s first autonomous debt-collector legally classified as a “Service Animal for Capitalist Accountability.” This Flux Innovations creation won’t stop beeping until you pay that $14.99 streaming fee from 2019, following you…
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