OTTAWA, Ontario , In a move hailed by bureaucratic enthusiasts as “decidedly thorough” and “definitely not a waste of toner,” the Department of Redundancy Department (DRD) officially announced its new Federal Redundancy and Duplication Policy today. The policy, which was announced this morning and then again three minutes later, mandates that all future government legislation, memoranda, and sticky notes must be written twice, two times.

The initiative, officially titled the “Double-Talk and Dual-Documentation Act,” aims to ensure that no piece of information is ever lost, misunderstood, or only read once. According to officials, the goal is to create a legislative landscape where clarity is achieved through sheer, unadulterated repetition.

The Logic of the Double-Draft Ottawa Parliament

Reginald Piccolo, the DRD’s newly appointed Director of Consistency and Director of Consistency, spoke to reporters from behind a desk featuring two identical nameplates.

“We found that people often ignore the law,” Piccolo stated, while signing two identical copies of his own employment contract with both hands simultaneously. “But it’s much harder to ignore the law when the law is written twice, two times. If a citizen misses the first paragraph, the second paragraph is right there, saying the exact same thing in the exact same font. It’s a failsafe for the eyes.”

The policy requires that every sentence be followed by its identical twin. For example, a standard directive such as “Keep off the grass” would now legally read: “Keep off the grass. Keep off the grass.” Government insiders suggest this is merely the first phase of a broader “Quadruplicate Quest,” which would eventually require four versions of every document, though that plan is currently being drafted twice to ensure it passes.

Economic Impact and Unemployment Stats

While critics argue that the policy is a logistical nightmare, the DRD has pointed toward the positive impact on the nation’s unemployment stats. By requiring every document to be produced, filed, and shredded twice, the government has essentially doubled the domestic demand for administrative clerks, ink cartridge technicians, and people who are good at spotting “find and replace” errors.

“The unemployment stats are looking better than ever,” noted senior economist Clementine Doolsie. “We’ve hired 4,000 new ‘Echo-Scribes’ whose sole job is to read what someone else wrote and then write it again. We are essentially creating a circular economy of ink and effort. It’s the most stable job market we’ve currently created……twice!. We hired them, then hired them again at the same salary! Ha ha ha no thier salaries didnt double as thats a bit too on the nose. They arent two people after all…ahem.”  

Indeed, the surge in hiring has been so significant that the government has had to lease a second, identical headquarters right next to the original one to house the new staff. The buildings are joined by a bridge that is actually two separate walkways, just in case one walkway is already occupied by someone walking in the same direction.

A New Era of Bureaucratic Perfection in Canada

The policy isn’t just limited to text. It extends to all forms of government communication. Civil servants are now required to greet visitors twice, answer phones with “Hello, hello,” and stamp every document with two identical “Approved” stamps.

The DRD has also introduced a “Redundancy Liaison” for every existing government department. For instance, the agents currently managing Canada Goose bird passports will now have a shadow team that produces a second, identical passport for every goose. This ensures that if a goose loses its primary travel document while migrating, it has a backup already filed in a duplicate cabinet in a duplicate office.

“It’s about peace of mind,” Piccolo explained. “When you know that every ‘i’ has been dotted twice and every ‘t’ has been crossed four times (twice per version), you sleep better at night. You sleep better at night.”

Public Reaction and Confusionton to Parliaments change

The public’s reaction has been largely divided into two identical camps. In Toronto, commuters were seen staring at new street signs that now read “King St / King St” and “No Parking / No Parking.”

“I thought I was having a stroke,” said local resident Cindy  P., “I tried to call the city to complain, but the automated voice just kept repeating ‘Please hold, please hold.’ I eventually hung up, but then my phone rang back and played the same hold music for ten minutes.”

The confusion has even reached the smart-home sector. Rumors are circulating that the government’s new policy has inadvertently confused several high-end appliances. There have been reports of at least one local man’s smart fridge going berserk, because it couldn’t handle the redundancy of its own internal inventory list, which now lists “Milk” and “Milk” as two separate, competing entities while still being the same.

Looking Ahead: The Future of Twice

Despite the teething problems, the Department of Redundancy Department remains committed to its mission. They have already scheduled a follow-up press conference for tomorrow at 10:00 AM, and another one at 10:01 AM, to clarify the points made in the first meeting.

“We are moving toward a future where nothing is singular,” Piccolo concluded. “The world is a complicated place. Why should we only describe it once? Why should we only describe it once?”

As the sun sets over the Parliament buildings (which the DRD is currently trying to build a scale model of right next to the original), one thing is clear: the era of efficiency is over, and the era of “Double Efficiency” has officially begun. The era of “Double Efficiency” has officially begun.

For more information, citizens are encouraged to visit the official Government of Canada website, and then visit it again in an Incognito window to make sure the information is the same.