Category: Retirement
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Montreal Passes By-Law Fining Insults, Then Cannot Define ‘Insult’, Whether ‘Sir, Your Form Is Nonsense’ Costs $300 Depends on ‘the Vibe of the Counter’
Montreal’s bylaw fining insults toward municipal employees is now in effect, with first-offence fines from $300 to $1,000 and up to $2,000 for repeats. The city still has not defined what an insult is,…
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Mike Myers Officially Retires From International Assassination, Plans to Spend Golden Years Gardening, Baking, and Domination-Free Lawn Bowling
Mike Myers has retired from international assassination and settled into a Florida retirement community, where he now spends his days gardening, baking sourdough, and pursuing a more peaceful form of weekend violence: lawn bowling.
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Dog Learns to Drive, Immediately Runs Errands Owner Forgot : Labradoodle Passes Written Test (Nobody Knows How), Keeps Buying Extra Treats and Parking Near Fire Hydrants
A Labradoodle has learned to drive, passed his written test and begun running errands for his owner, but his habit of buying extra treats and parking near fire hydrants has attracted unwanted attention from…
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Man’s Left Shoe Retires Mid-Walk, Cites ‘Lack of Appreciation’ : Right Shoe Devastated, Socks Enter Mediation
A Toronto man’s left shoe retired mid-walk Tuesday, citing a “lack of appreciation” and refusing to complete the remaining 2,400 steps. The right shoe is devastated and hasn’t spoken to it since. The socks…
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Undercover in the Food Court: RFTIB Infiltrates the Shadow Network of Mall Pretzel Salt Refillers
RFTIB investigator Luke Dimbottom goes undercover to expose an international network of mall employees who refill pretzel salt bins at precisely 10 a.m. before disappearing without explaining the missing pretzel bites.
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Confessions of a Health Dealer: Slinging Supplements on the Clean Market( A Health, Healthy & Healthier Special)
Step into the clean market and discover how quality supplements, gut support, cognitive wellness, and natural stress solutions can help you build a stronger foundation for better health.
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The Great Coffee Ring: RFTIB Traces Office Mug Stain to Silent Syndicate of Non-Rinsers
RFTIB investigator Luke Dimbottom traces a mysterious office coffee ring stain to a silent syndicate of non-rinsers who believe breakroom etiquette is merely a suggestion.
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Where’s Waldo Files Privacy Suit Against Entire Planet, Claims Decades of Being Hunted in Every Crowd Is Systematic Harassment
Waldo has filed a lawsuit against “the entire planet,” arguing that decades of being hunted through crowded illustrations constitutes systematic harassment. The defense’s position: the stripes were designed to be found, so he consented.
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Ontario Coffee Shop That Built Its Brand on Loiterers Installs ‘No Loitering’ Sign, Immediately Looses Business
A café that built its entire business model around remote workers nursing one coffee for six hours has installed a 20-minute “no loitering” policy — and lost roughly 90% of its customers in a…
Category: Retirement
-
Montreal Passes By-Law Fining Insults, Then Cannot Define ‘Insult’, Whether ‘Sir, Your Form Is Nonsense’ Costs $300 Depends on ‘the Vibe of the Counter’
Montreal’s bylaw fining insults toward municipal employees is now in effect, with first-offence fines from $300 to $1,000 and up to $2,000 for repeats. The city still has not defined what an insult is,…
-
Mike Myers Officially Retires From International Assassination, Plans to Spend Golden Years Gardening, Baking, and Domination-Free Lawn Bowling
Mike Myers has retired from international assassination and settled into a Florida retirement community, where he now spends his days gardening, baking sourdough, and pursuing a more peaceful form of weekend violence: lawn bowling.
-
Dog Learns to Drive, Immediately Runs Errands Owner Forgot : Labradoodle Passes Written Test (Nobody Knows How), Keeps Buying Extra Treats and Parking Near Fire Hydrants
A Labradoodle has learned to drive, passed his written test and begun running errands for his owner, but his habit of buying extra treats and parking near fire hydrants has attracted unwanted attention from…
-
Man’s Left Shoe Retires Mid-Walk, Cites ‘Lack of Appreciation’ : Right Shoe Devastated, Socks Enter Mediation
A Toronto man’s left shoe retired mid-walk Tuesday, citing a “lack of appreciation” and refusing to complete the remaining 2,400 steps. The right shoe is devastated and hasn’t spoken to it since. The socks…
-
Undercover in the Food Court: RFTIB Infiltrates the Shadow Network of Mall Pretzel Salt Refillers
RFTIB investigator Luke Dimbottom goes undercover to expose an international network of mall employees who refill pretzel salt bins at precisely 10 a.m. before disappearing without explaining the missing pretzel bites.
-
Confessions of a Health Dealer: Slinging Supplements on the Clean Market( A Health, Healthy & Healthier Special)
Step into the clean market and discover how quality supplements, gut support, cognitive wellness, and natural stress solutions can help you build a stronger foundation for better health.
-
The Great Coffee Ring: RFTIB Traces Office Mug Stain to Silent Syndicate of Non-Rinsers
RFTIB investigator Luke Dimbottom traces a mysterious office coffee ring stain to a silent syndicate of non-rinsers who believe breakroom etiquette is merely a suggestion.
-
Where’s Waldo Files Privacy Suit Against Entire Planet, Claims Decades of Being Hunted in Every Crowd Is Systematic Harassment
Waldo has filed a lawsuit against “the entire planet,” arguing that decades of being hunted through crowded illustrations constitutes systematic harassment. The defense’s position: the stripes were designed to be found, so he consented.
-
Ontario Coffee Shop That Built Its Brand on Loiterers Installs ‘No Loitering’ Sign, Immediately Looses Business
A café that built its entire business model around remote workers nursing one coffee for six hours has installed a 20-minute “no loitering” policy — and lost roughly 90% of its customers in a…
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